whats-new

It's been a while..

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:59:58 +0100

It really has, and I'm sorry for that. I think a part of me has been avoiding all of you.
It's funny, you know the saying "Time heals all"? So not true. I think you just get used to the pain.

This May will be the 3 years of my little brother passing, and sometimes, I feel like I've made no progress at all. There are so many different parts of life you get caught up in, like for me, planning my wedding. In the middle of those times when you have too much to think about, you really tell yourself that you are doing so well, and are happy with how far you've come. I honestly don't know how far I have come, I couldn't tell you. It still hurts, so bad, to look at his pictures, and think of life another day without him. I have been unhealthy about the way I have been "healing" and not being true to myself, or my heart. And I owe myself a very sincere apology for that. I lost my strength for a while, forgot who I was and what I stand for. But, I am back. It's so easy to get lost in life, and not face yourself at the end of the day. I really don't think I can stress enough how important it is to do that. I'm not saying you need to dwell on anything, don't make it your every thought, but don't ignore your heart, and if you are having a hard time that day, ask yourself if there is anything you can do to make it feel a little bit better. Talk with a friend, write in a journal, dance, and even cry. I used to talk to my Fiance Keith about Tyler all the time, cry to him when I needed to, and I never do that anymore. We still talk about Ty everyday of course, but little things, not in detail about how I'm feeling. And no, I don't need to do that all the time, but I also can't shut out and ignore the way I'm feeling. The breakdowns aren't so common for me anymore now that we are almost 3 years from losing him, I definitally am more focused on who I have and important things in my life, then the fact that he's not here, because honestly, what good does that do? No matter how hard I cry, nothing will bring him back, and I'd hate to see the day where I've missed out on life with the others I do have. I'm sure I contradict myself a million times within my writing, but that's the funny thing about losing a sibling, or anyone for that matter, it just doesn't make sense.

I want my little brother to be proud of me, and honestly, the way I've been living, there is no reason for him to be. But that is all in the past now, I can't obsess about that, because I have too much future that would be wasted. Yes, it has taken me almost 3 years to get my head on straight, but better than 5, or 10, or even 50.. right? Now this is not to say anything to anyone that is still having a hard time. Healing is all an individual process, and you have to do what's good for you. But I will say, "Life goes on" no matter who is here, or who is gone, and personally, there is too much to do, too many people to love, and too much to expirience for it to go on without me. And until that day when I see his smiling face again, whole, cancer free.. I'm going to make the most of the time I have left, with the people I love the most.. so I can have plenty of stories to tell him when I see him, and so he'll hug me and tell me how truly proud he is.

Until then, I know he is with me every single day. He may not always be in the front of my mind, but he is always, always in my heart.

Thank you so much to my Mom and Dad, for setting me straight, showing me what's important, and reminding me of my strength. Thank you for believing in me, and not giving up in the time I wasn't being my best. I love the two of you with all of me, and couldn't be more blessed.

St. Jude Dream Home Giveaway!

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:41:29 +0100

This past weekend, September 27th-29th my Dad and I took a little road trip to Billings, Montana for the St. Jude Dream Home Giveaway. We drove 12 hours in his white '99 Corvette to be on KTVQ news on behalf of my little brother, St. Jude and Surviving 4 You! It was such an amazing expirience, and I feel so blessed we were asked to be apart of this.

We got in saturday evening, checked into the hotel, (Hilton Garden Inn in Billings, nice hotel!) then met up with the St. Jude girls Katie, Karlee, Theresa, and Ashley for dinner. It was so much fun and just made me that much more excited for what was to come. Sunday morning my Dad and I got up, had breakfast with the St. Jude crew then headed 60 miles up the road to The Battle of Little Bighorn. Wow! What an awesome thing to see! I was so happy my Dad wanted to take me to see that. I have never expirienced anything like that so it was very interesting! I decided right there I was going to start telling people I was some how related to Colonel Custer, what a brave man! haha.

After that we headed back to the hotel to get ready for the Dream Home! We headed straight to the house to meet up with Katie and some of the other girls. The house is so beautiful, and the Mcall family, who donated everything and built the house, are the nicest people I think I have ever met! When there, I was also able to meet the other Patient Family there to speak about St. Jude, the Conti's. What amazing people!! I instantly fell in love with Nitalia. What an inspiration. She is so beautiful, so strong, so loving! She was diagnosed last November with Astrocytoma, a type of brain tumor, has endured surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation all at the age of 12.. she just turned 13! The most amazing thing about it.. is she hasn't stopped smiling! We need more people in the world like the Conit's and especially like Nitalia! If you would like to learn more about Nitalia, her journey and her family, visit her website! www.nitaliaconti.com

After visiting for a while, we headed to the studio! It was so interesting to see how it all worked, I had never been at a t.v. studio before, or on t.v. so it was awesome! My Dad and I spoke only for a few minutes on the Dream Home special, but I am so thankful for it! I hope we made a difference with our story, and I hope people enjoyed hearing about the website, and my little brother. :)

Nitalia got to draw the name of the Dream Home winner, the perfect person to do it! She picked the most fitting family. Bing, Lane, and their baby Maddox were the winners. Bing had just recently had a heart difibulator put in from St. Jude and has had his own struggles his whole life. They were such great people, and really deserved this house.

I am so thankful that I was able to be apart of this, talk about my incredible little brother, do something good for St. Jude, and spread the word about the website. Thank you to everyone for such an unforgettable expirience!

The total raised for St. Jude was $600,000!!

Alex's Lemonade Stand

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:55:16 +0100

Hello all! Hope you are enjoying the new website. :)

I will be keeping a blog to let you know what is new with Surviving 4 You and what we're doing next!

This weekend, my Fiance, my very good friend Brooke, and I will be working at an "Alex's Lemonde Stand" with Kathi Clarke and some of her friends! We are very excited to help out this amazing cause, and hope anyone who can, will come out to support!

We will be at the Top Foods in West Olympia, the Surviving 4 You team will be there from 12-2pm. Come see us, and help out this wonderful cause!

Visit www.Alexslemonde.org for more details!

Hope is everything is going great for everyone!

All my love,
Sister