When I was 16 and a sophomore in high school, my little brother was diagnosed with brain cancer, and when I was 17 toward the end of my junior year in high school, he passed away. We were four years apart, and did everything together. He was my best friend, the only person in the world who truly knew who I was. I would go to him with any type of advice I needed, and he would always help me. He was my other half, my world. My life had always been good, my parents were still married, no one in my family had ever passed away, and I always had my brother on my side. Life was easy, life was good. I could have never imagined this to happen to my family, to my brother. You always hear about this kind of stuff happening, but you honestly never think it will happen to you.
June 6th, 2006 I was at a friend's house when I got a call from my mom crying telling me to come home, I tried to ask what was wrong, but she just told me to hurry up. I hopped in my truck and drove as fast as I could; knowing what was coming my way. I prayed that my mom would tell me my dog got hit by a car or something, but I knew it was about my brother Tyler. He had had a doctors appointment that day, and had told me a week before that he was scared he had cancer, I told him he was dumb and to not think that way, that there was no way he had cancer. I even promised him he didn't. I pulled in the driveway to see my mom, dad, Tyler and his friend Nick hanging out on the back deck, I said to myself "look, they all look normal, everything's ok, everything's ok" lying to myself as I walked through the house to see them. "What's going on?" I asked my teary eyed parents. My dad looked at Tyler and said "do you want to tell her or do you want me to?" he said "I will" he then looked at me and said "sister you might want to sit down." So I did, scared out of my mind, I sat down. He looked at me and said "I have a tumor in my brain." My 12 year old crazy, punk of a little brother just looked me in the eyes, and told me he had a tumor. I started crying so hard and saying "no, no, no!" I didn't even know what to do. I felt so sick to my stomach. I grabbed his head, put it to my chest, hugged him, and cried. Later my mom had pulled me aside and asked if I had any questions, I looked at her crying and asked "is my brother going to die?" she started crying and said "I don't know." It was the worst day of my life at that moment. I just kept trying to open my eyes, pinch myself awake from this horrible dream. None of it felt real, it was so scary. At this point we didn't know anything about his tumor, if it was cancerous, how bad it was, all we knew was that it was in there, and we needed to get it out, so we did. June 16th, 2006 he went in for his brain surgery at Childrens Hospital in Seattle Washington. It was an agonizing 16 hour surgery that had us all on our toes. My dad took it really hard, the whole day he was freaking out and was so angry, I didn't get it, I thought he was just scared, but come to find out the surgery was a 50/50 surgery. A 50% chance that he would come out of it alive, and a 50% chance that he wouldn't make it. My dad didn't tell any of us that, but thank goodness, he made it. There was a big group of us, family and friends that waited for my brother, we even had t-shirts made that said "Tyler's Entourage". Tyler finally came out of surgery and they were able to get 95% of the tumor out, the other 5% was on his brain stem, there was no way they could remove that without causing permanent damage to his motor skills. His tumor turned out to be cancerous, it was a Medulloblastoma, the most common malignant brain tumor in children, formed from poorly developed cells at a very early stages of life. They develop in the cerebellum, in a part of the brain called the posterior fossa, but may spread to other parts of the brain. So this all meant he had brain cancer, and we'd have to start deciding what was going to be done about treatment.
In the mean time about 72 hours after his surgery he fell into something called "Posterior Fossa Sydrome" This syndrome involves a variety of signs and symptoms including mutism or speech disturbances, difficulty swallowing, decreased motor movement, cranial nerve palsies(causing the eyes to look different directions) and, emotional instability. For my brother it was like being trapped in his own body, his mind was all there and nothing changed for him mentally, but he just couldn't move, talk, or do anything on his own, he was trapped. It can last from weeks to years, luckily Tyler's only lasted around 3 weeks, but he still had permanent damage from it, he never regained full strength on the left side of his body.
Back to what was happening with his treatment, my parents met with the oncologist with Childrens and they discussed their protocol for Medulloblastoma, my parents didn't like it, so they searched for a second opinion with St.Judes Childrens Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee and liked what they heard. Next thing you know Mom and Tyler were on a plane to moving to Memphis. Just about all our family lives over there so they moved in with my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Lee; They couldn't have been with any better of people. Dad and I had to stay here because my parents own a company and dad had to keep all that running so that we could afford all of this, and I had to go back to school in the fall. During the summer I was able to stay two weeks a month, but once school started it was only one week a month. July 17th my brother started his Radiation Treatment, it went until August 23rd. His 13th birthday was August 2nd , I was already in Memphis and dad flew out for the party. It was pirate themed and so much fun! Tyler had a blast and there was about 60-70 people there! After he had finished his radiation treatment he had a month until Chemotherapy started and the doctors said he could have a break and come home for that month. All our family was back together for that time and it felt amazing. End of September mom and Tyler had to go back to get ready for Chemo. His first treatment started October 17th; his Chemo consisted of 5 day impatient treatments, once a month, for four months. My 17th birthday was October 19th, and we flew in that night. I remember it had been a long day for Tyler, but he stayed awake just to see me. He was so sweet in that hospital bed, he sang me "Happy Birthday" before he fell asleep. It was the best birthday present I could have ever recieved. After that week and that treatment it came time for Dad and me to head back. Another month went by and it was time for another visit, more chemo, and thanksgiving! That visit was one of my favorites all because of the night we got in; we headed straight for St.Judes to see Tyler and Mom. I walked into my brothers hospital room to see his arms raised up waiting to hug me! I leaned in and gave him a big hug, he was so warm, and he said "Now we don't have to say I love you over the phone!" it was so amazing and made me so happy! He always made me feel so important, and to be loved so much by the most amazing person in this world, made life worth living. That Chemo treatment went well, as most did. Time for Thanksgiving and we celebrated it with all our Memphis family, it was a blast. Tyler and I ate so much food, and then passed out on the couches at my Aunt Bev and Uncle Nicks house. We were famous for taking naps together. After Thanksgiving it was time to go home again, wait another month and visit for Christmas! His third Chemo treatment was supposed to be during Christmas, and Tyler was very unhappy about that. Luckily things worked out and he was able to have it the five days before Christmas, so we were able to celebrate all together at my Uncle Nick and Aunt Bev's with all of the family. I had gotten Tyler and myself matching dog tag necklaces with a picture of us together on it, on the back side of his I had it engraved with "Always with you" he loved it and wore it every day, it even went with him when he passed. He had gotten me a beautiful necklace that says "Big Sister" and the new Brooke Hogan Cd, he had even gotten it autographed by her and the Hulk himself! He was so excited to give it to me, and I loved it! He also got a Wii from a "Secret Santa". This secret Santa is someone amazing that never even wanted to be mentioned. It made Tyler ecstatic! His mouth was wide open and he just kept screaming and kissing it! He's always loved video games and wanted a Wii so bad! It was a great Christmas, a lot of laughs and so much love. I was able to be in Memphis for two weeks that time, which made me so happy. Dad had to go back shortly after Christmas to tend to the business, but I was able to stay over New Years.
A few days before New Years, we were lying on the couch watching T.V and Tyler had mentioned that he didn't feel well, and it turned out that he had a fever. For those of you that have experienced Chemotherapy know that if there is any fever you rush them to the hospital right away because they don't have an immune system to fight off whatever's happening, and even the smallest cold could kill them. So we took him to St.Judes, he got really sick and ended up staying in the I.C.U for two nights, they never could tell us what the sickness was, but luckily the third night he was better and we were able to stay in a regular room. The third night turned out to be New Years Eve. We were able to leave the hospital for about four hours and go have some fun, but we had to come back so Tyler could keep getting medicines and they could keep watch over his vitals. That night he was so tired and told us that he couldn't stay up till midnight, so we said Happy New Year to him early and he went to sleep. Mom and I hung out in his room, talked and watched over my brother until the ball dropped, we said cheers to each other with our little paper cups of apple cider and said Happy New Year. We hugged and told each other this was going to be a great year. I kissed my little sleeping brothers head, told him happy New Year and that I loved him so much. It was fun. After that we were able to go home, Tyler was so relieved. A couple days after that it was time for me to go home again, I was so sad to leave because this time I had to wait a whole month before mom and Tyler came home! He was so sad too, one of my favorite pictures is us hugging before I left, and we both have teary eyes because we had been crying that we had to be apart again. It was so hard to go from seeing my best friend everyday and being with him all the time, to only seeing him one week a month. But compared to what I have now, I'd give just about anything to have that one week a month back. So he had his last Chemo, and he finished that, and was able to come home for good, FINALLY! Mom and him flew home February 10th. It was one of the greatest days of my life!
Our parents had a trip planned to Las Vegas to celebrate my Dad's 40th birthday so Tyler and I had the house all to ourselves. It was about three to four days and we had a blast! I'll never forget that. After that he had to go back for a check-up in March. We were all so sure that everything would be ok because he was doing so great! Walking better, getting stronger, everything was better. So on St.Patricks day of 2007 Mom and Tyler flew back to Memphis once more, not knowing what was in store for us next. On the way to the hospital for one of his check-ups Tyler told Mom there was tumors in his spine, that treatment didn't work and he now had tumors in his spine. She told him not to say things like that and that everything would turn out alright. Well, Tyler was right. The check-ups had shown that there was tumors now in his spine and little ones back in his brain. I was so sick. Dad and I cried and cried, knowing that there was nothing left to do. We knew that this was about to get bad. Tyler and mom came back on the 19th, I remember waiting for them to come out of the terminal, reminding myself to keep the smile on my face, not to cry, and trying to remember the conversation my momma and I had the night before about Hope and Miracles. When they finally arrived mom had been pushing Ty in the wheel chair and he had a pink and red giraffe on his lap. I gave him and big hug and a kiss on the cheek and he said "Here sister! This is for you!" and he handed me the giraffe. He always knew I loved giraffes. I asked him to name him, and he called him Phil. I love Phil. Phil and the necklace he made me that says "sister" are my two most prized possessions. In one of his physical therapy classes he made me and him matching necklaces, his says "brother" and mine says "sister" it means the world to me. So we loaded all up and headed for home.
The next day was his "Make a Wish" party, he had wished for a Pug puppy and it was coming that day so we invited all our family and friends over to celebrate. That morning Tyler and I went to see TMNT (the new Ninja Turtles Movie) I had bought tickets a week in advance so we could go, Tyler loved Ninja Turtles. It was so much fun! Definitely one of my most important memories. So after that we went home and it was time for his Make a Wish to come! We were all hanging out, eating pizza, and there was a knock on the door and his pug puppy was here! Tyler named him Pig and it was love at first sight! Tyler could have had just about anything in the world, and all he wanted was this little pug. The party was great and Pig was a great new addition to the family. April comes along and things started to go downhill, Tyler was starting to get sick again, and all the strength he gained before, was gone. My parents decided to try one last thing, it was an experimental drug from Childrens Hospital and it was suppose to slow tumor growth. It ended up making Tyler really really sick, and wasn't working, so we stopped it. This was the point when we heard "We're sorry, but there's nothing more we can do." My brother was going to die, he was going to die and there was absolutely nothing that anyone could do about it. I was so sick, and so angry. I cried everyday from then on out, I had to slowly watch my little brother die and I couldn't do anything about it. All I wondered was why it couldn't it have been me, and not him. The one time I said that to Tyler, that I would take the tumor away from him if I could, he got mad, and told me to never say that again. Such a sweet boy, with the biggest heart. He was so loving, caring, funny, amazing in every single way. We then got a Hospice lady to help my mom out, because she had always been the one to care for him, and his only wish was that he is able to be home, he didn't want to die in a hospital, and he wanted to be at home. So he got his wish, and our lady Kathy came just about every day. It was hard, the whole thing was hard but the end was hardest, because it wasn't my brother anymore, he was so thin, wasn't able to talk, he was dying, my little 13 year old brother was dying. Kathy had told us just about every day from then on out that he was going to pass, everyday she'd say "today is the day" but it wasn't. He hung on for a month and a half longer then everyone thought he would. He was so strong. We had all separately told him, that is was ok to go, that he needed to be free, and that we would be ok. I think he knew that we wouldn't and that we weren't ready until finally one night all three of us together, my daddy, momma and me, all told him together, and the next day, he passed away..
May 6th, 2007. There were so many talks in between March and May that my brother and I had had, we had a very amazing goodbye together, and promised each other that we'd be together forever, no matter what. There were many incredible things that happened, that were shared, and great moments, but I'll keep those personal. The day he passed was a blur. Everything from then on out was a blur, all of it. I lost myself for a long time, was doing things I normally wouldn't and wasn't being myself. But thank goodness, I was saved. August 24th, 2007 I met my now boyfriend Keith. He has made me find myself again, encouraged me to go to therapy and get help, and has become my best friend. I never thought I'd be happy again, ever. But I know my brother sent him to me, and he has shown me happiness again, love and life. He talks with me about my brother every day; he helps me keep him alive. He loves Tyler like he knew him, like they were close. It's the most amazing thing. I graduated high school in 2008 and have got amazing plans for my future! 'm close with my parents, and love my boyfriend so much. I have learned to enjoy everything life has to offer, to smile every day for my brother, to breathe just because I can, and to Survive 4 Tyler.
**I would love to hear your stories too, please e-mail them to me, and if you want I can post them on this website for the world to read. If you have any questions about anything, feel free to ask and I promise to answer. I hope my story has helped you in some way.
